Psychology Simplified: Creating Want To’s and Not Have To’s! By Sir Gerry Neale

The Psychology of Want To’s rather than Have To’s is well known to some but still unrecognised by many. Yet it governs not only what we do and how well we do it as adults, but it should dictate the psychology of the response we seek to get from our children and grandchildren, from those we employ or from those we ask to supply us with a service.

If we ourselves really want to do something, then look at what happens to our resolve. Obstacles in our path are minimised in our mind, any inconvenience is tolerated and frustration stifled until we have done it. We drive on wanting what we seek.

On the other hand, if the required task is imposed on us as a “Have To”, then there is a different psychological dynamic which gets to work. Our resilience level drops. We will probably give up the moment we experience any obstacle. We will show a low tolerance level and we will verbalise any frustration we feel in defeatist terms.

This “Have To” Psychology can give rise to some odd cognitive reactions within us. Wittingly or unwittingly we can develop personal psychological strategies apparently to strengthen our goal or mission, but in unhelpful ways for ourselves.

In its simplest form, we can so easily make a list of to do’s and we can notice how we will will gravitate first towards the want to’s before we deal with the “Have To’s, the unpleasant ones which are left until last.!

We can then see so clearly even then, how with the Have To’s that we can continue postponing them. Only when they become an absolutely Have To do will we actually do them.

Acknowledging this feature of ourselves, consciously or sub-consciously, Let’s look at the strangest trick we can play on ourselves. We play it knowing that we enjoy and do most Want To’s. We do it knowing that we can leave Have To’s until the very last minute but they always have to get done.

Supposing we fix a major goal which we know we want to achieve. But at the same time, in our hearts and minds, we doubt we can achieve it if left to our own devices. We let negative thoughts and doubts nibble at our resolve.

So what do we do? What strange perverse game do we play actually against ourselves? Instead of keeping the goal a Want To; Instead of keeping it secret, we tell others who are influential in our lives? We tell figures of some sort of authority over us. Why? Because we sense it will turn the goal from a Want To into a Have To. Why so? Because we know that now they all know, they will make us do it, or at least they will think less of us if we don’t achieve It.
So now we have put this extra pressure on ourselves. And we have thrown all our cognitive machinery into confusion. Our sub-conscious senses our will and determination coming into play for us on the one hand, but on the other hand is presented with a Have To which its natural instinct is to avoid.

Of course certain things in our daily lives have to be done. The secret of enjoying and succeeding in getting something done is converting everything into a Want To and most definitely not a Have To. How do we do that? We do it simply by comparing the preferable results of doing it now with the unpleasant effects of all that can occur if we don’t do it. We work up the preferable effects in our minds doing everything to covert it into a Want To.

The dividends from such psychology can be great if we get really good at doing it. We can use it to encourage children, grandchildren, employees, partners and others in our lives to create and live by Want To’s not Have to’s