Is It A Good Idea To Tell Others About My Goal?

The question of whether it is wise to share your goals with others is a significant feature of goal-setting. It is important to comment on the potential impact of confiding in others. Doing that could potentially involve people close to you or those you meet on your journey.

“To tell them…..,or not to tell? That is the question!”

The first all-embracing caution I would give is: ask yourself why you want to do this! If you are looking for moral support, then do not share your goal with anyone whom you have any reason to believe is likely to find fault with it.

Worse if they rubbish it and throw doubt on your own personal ability to achieve it! It is pretty obvious that all you will be doing is setting yourself up for a crushing disappointment. It will give a great opportunity for your negative self-talk to kick in and join this so-called friend and rubbish you as well!

And frankly there is little advantage either in sharing it with someone whose response is likely to be, “Well, it sounds very nice, dear.”

But suppose you have a partner or friend, or you meet someone along the way who is always one to focus on the best course out of problems, on finding solutions, on ways and means to help people towards their destination. Now that is different!

Such people do not come two-a penny! But they can be found and are very valuable for non-judgemental reality-checking of your goal as well as pointing out additional opportunities you may have to achieve it.

If you are so committed, so crystal clear in your path to achievement and lacking in all doubt as to success – (not an absolute condition found in many goal setters!), why tell anyone!


However you may judge that you can be confident that telling people about your intent will not compromise your commitment, and could be very useful marketing and fact finding for you.

All I would say is, “OK But tread carefully! If you are so confident and committed then why tell them anyway” And I would add, “By all means do the marketing or research but does the actual goal need to be shared?”

Essentially there is no problem in any of this if you are experienced in focussing on your future. If you have learned how to be resilient in the face of criticism and doubt, then that inner strength can be called upon at will to act as a buffer. You can plough on undaunted.

If however you are new to this then think twice. Yes, research what you are committed to achieve but confine your confidence to yourself or to a trusted and treasured friend or mentor.

I have posted this article on my blog, conscious that the full version would be rather too long to post on-line. Part 2 has an additional feature which should make one reflect about why one feels the need to tell other people. Do refer to it, if this a subject which is of significance to you.

Part 2:

The second element regarding confiding in someone about one’s goal is more imprecise, yet could be very revealing about the level of one’s self-esteem.

Ask yourself again why actually you want to tell particular people?

Could the answer possibly be that within yourself, you feel some nagging doubt as to whether on your own, you can go the distance needed to achieve the goal. So, barely consciously, you conclude that you could tell certain people who you feel already hold sway and influence over you.


Why would you want to do that?

Because then you will feel well and truly obligated to them to see it through otherwise then you will be letting them down! The sub-conscious request you are issuing is that they will keep the pressure on you! Why impose even more pressure on yourself!

Now this happens more often than we care to admit, so do beware! And what does it suggest to us? Does it not reveal we still lack some inner conviction about our goal? Best then we rid ourselves of that doubt ourselves privately. Intensify the visualisation. Employ the other ingredients to successful goal setting.

Why?

There is a more significant issue at stake here. Imposing some form of ‘Have to’ on ourselves is crazy. We need to find, where-ever we can, the points we need to cause us to ‘want to and love to’ do it. In fact we should have striven to remove from our preparation for our goal, all unhelpful pressure on our sub-conscious caused by an inner sense of ‘have to’.

All we need is to reinforce the deep sense of ‘wanting to’ to get to that picture of our goal achieved, which we have taken such pains to create in our mind.

Let us assume you have actually succeeded in creating the image. You have the picture in your mind and filled with positive emotions. Do you still have some doubt? Of course, you would be inhuman if you did not have some!

We reassure ourselves that a bit of apprehension and anxiety is healthy and useful.

So wham! We make it ten times worse! We tell several people of our intentions in order to put yet more pressure on us to perform!

Whatever for!

We need every ounce of our mental and emotional strength to apply positively to our goal. Why undermine ourselves by having now to use some of that energy defensively to keep faith with these friends!

But reflect on this deeper point as you have, to your credit, checked this out:

• How far in your life has your cognitive behaviour become a situation where
most of what you do is somehow and so often at someone else’s behest?
• Is it actually more difficult for you to want to do something for yourself?
• And does even thinking about it somehow seem self-indulgent?
• Well, don’t let it. You are worth it and it is far better that you do not undermine your wish to succeed:

So think twice, even three times whether you tell anyone and if so, select carefully! Far better to achieve it and then tell people afterwards how you did it!

Good luck!